My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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