I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
