my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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