don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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