I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize