So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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