I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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