No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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