she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
