he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
