They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
