Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
