omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
