My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
