Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
