He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!