Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.