you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome