i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?