What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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