i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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