She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
