as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
