so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
