Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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