Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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