Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
organizing the empties. That sober.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
