i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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