I'm so fucking centered right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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