Can Purell be used as lube?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
