just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
