I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
