I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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