i permit you to call me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
