either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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