Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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