i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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