Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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