I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
