He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
