I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
