I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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