We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
