Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
