it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
