Four minutes until I can fart!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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