Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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