I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm having to shit out rocks
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