Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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