I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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