there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
