You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
