dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
