Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
