We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
