Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
