Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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