i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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