Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
