I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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