a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
