Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
