I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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