____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
