well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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