i think my tv is drunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
