I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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