Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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