Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
