Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
